Friendship Matters

Friendships matter, especially to those who are single, divorced, widowed or struggling for any reason. Those who are ensconced in healthy partnerships or families and have someone to fall back on emotionally, socially or financially may not appreciate how precious friendships are to those who live alone.

The benefits of friendships are legendary and sitcoms like Friends, Seinfeld, The Golden Girls, and Sex in the City do a splendid job of illustrating the life-affirming, social scaffolding that friends provide. We know that friendships confer a host of powerful physiological benefits such as providing a sense of belonging, speeding up our recovery and safeguarding our survival. *Inclusive friendships

Being single is a finely tuned balancing act of challenges and benefits. Those who have no experience of living an independent, solo life may not appreciate the immense role that friends play to those who have. In the more sociable cultures, groups are better at supporting and including single people while more reserved cultures are hesitant or reluctant. However, despite cultural influences it is usually the people who have experienced a single life that are more inclusive in their familial groups and events.

People with a high social intelligence will occasionally bestow a ‘plus one’ in their invitations to single friends, trusting they will bring along someone suitable. Singles are usually well seasoned at tolerating their friend’s annoying partners, challenging children, and unruly dogs because they value their friendships enough to do so. This curtesy should extend both ways.

A continual negotiation

Philosophy tells us that if you want to make a friend, you must be one first. That means taking the initiative, keeping in touch, and demonstrating that you care - which testifies to the wisdom that ‘friendship’ is something that we do rather than something that we have*.

Our busy lives can make it difficult to get together, so having an annual ritual, a seasonal meetup, a shared activity or even a phone call can keep a friendship alive. Being reciprocal is vital even if the currency differs and the balance fluctuates wildly. Like all relationships, a friendship is a continual negotiation, under grace and favour.

Friendships can ignite in an instant or can be a slow burn, but they do need flexibility, tolerance, and the ability to find common ground, however obscure. Laughter and light-heartedness are a boon to compatibility and can be the grease that keeps the engine going. It helps to remember that the way you make people feel leaves a lasting impression and will define the relationship and its longevity.

Good friendships develop through trust and consistency over time as both parties bank good memories and share hard times while building up an emotional credit balance. Being forgiving, patient and tempering one’s judgement while maintaining healthy boundaries will allow friends to be authentic and unique in their approach. The art to friendship is in letting people be real, honest and open in their own unique and quirky ways as you celebrate their strengths and acknowledge their weaknesses. Under these conditions a friendships can withstand difficulties as the ‘store’ of positive cashe will rarely be depleted.

Challenging social constructs

Friends come in all guises of age, race, gender, sexuality, nationality, social and financial status, spirituality, aesthetic taste, and personality types so, to be accepted as a friend, you need to embrace differences and not allow your prejudices and biases to come clanging down like metal shutters that blind you to people’s creativity and soul.

It is always a joy to be surprised by an unusual friendship, but should things feel ‘off’ you can withdraw and disengage at will, because friendship is an altogether voluntary affair. If someone shows potential, then some effort and courage is required. There is no resting on your laurels, as there are none, and a neglected friendship will soon die - but that can be ok too.

Friendly investments

Community minded people are not proprietary about their friends, they share and grow their social circles, knowing that the wider the net is cast, the better chance of finding and keeping good people around. One only needs a handful of friends, but as people tend to move, migrate, get caught up in other nets or are lost to death, replenishing the circle is in everyone’s interest.

Single people support their friends in a myriad of practical ways as well as behind the scenes, so their social scaffolding is hard won and needs maintaining. They don’t have the luxury of being lazy, disengaged or taking things for granted so their friendships reflect a committed investment in effort, care and time.

A platonic relationship of any kind can be a great buffer in stressful times and an effective protector of one’s physical and mental wellbeing. Friends matter, whether they are work friends, hobby friends, neighbourhood friends, old friends, new friends, or good enough friends. Once you recognise their value is priceless at the cost, they may prove to be the best investment you ever make.

*Tiffany Watt Smith, ‘What’s up Docs? - Friendships’ BBC Sounds, (9 June 2026)

Written by MHScot Team Member, Sonia Last.